


Yuzuru's Mission

by 3ALover



Category: Figure Skating RPF, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Attempted Seduction, Awkward Flirting, Comedy, Crack Crossover, Crossover, M/M, No Smut, Prompt Fill, Team Cricket Are ARMY, Thirsty Yuzuru, mentions of colorism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-27 09:07:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18192578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3ALover/pseuds/3ALover
Summary: When Yuzuru asked Jun, Evgenia, and Jason what they were so enthused by on their phones, he was introduced to the handsome faces of BTS. When Jun informed them he was going to present an award and might meet them, Yuzuru hatched a plan, a great plan, a plan that would not be easy, but he was no quitter:He would seduce a member of BTS.





	Yuzuru's Mission

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is ridiculous crack. But the creativity credit cannot be mine. I got this idea entirely from my editor. She saw me and another girl joking that Yuzuru and his 'likes tall, handsome men' self would meet Namjoon and instantly want to jump him. She later asked me if I would write her 'headcanon' for how that might happen, and since I am eternally grateful to her hard, fast work, I did what she asked of me.
> 
> You guys should all appreciate her hard work and this crazy idea she came up with. 
> 
> You may pee yourself laughing. Be warned.

Yuzuru was usually not one to get distracted during training, but when Evgenia, Jun, and Jason were all sitting around during their water break looking at stuff on their phones and showing each other, he couldn’t help but skate over and stop in front of them.

“What so interesting?”

“Cute boys!” Evgenia said brightly. “EXO had a new photoshoot and the pictures are online, oh my God, Chanyeol is so cuuuuute,” she gushed.

“Not nearly as cute as Kai, though,” Jun said, elbowing her playfully.

Yuzuru raised his eyebrows. “I not know you like boys,” he said, and Jun scrunched his nose with a little smile.

“I don’t know if I do, I mean, famous people don’t really count,” he dismissed. “They’re super famous and super beautiful, you’re supposed to have a crush on K-Pop idols.” He gave him a pointed look. “Don’t you have a bias you’re crazy for?”

Yuzuru made a face. “No, do not like K-Pop. It not bad, but I like music I know words for.”

Jason perked up. “Yeah, I only listen to the Japanese versions of songs. I like anything you can dance to, and K-Pop is great for that. I don’t get super into it and have a ‘bias’ or anything though. I really couldn’t identify any members of groups, I just have the songs on my phone.”

“Oooh, Japanese version? Let me hear!” he said, sitting down beside Jason. 

“Play him Crystal Snow,” Evgenia suggested. Jason started a song and Yuzuru perked up. 

“Oh, I like the voice. So deep. I like deep voice. Make feel warm,” he explained. 

“That’s this guy,” Evgenia said, typing on her phone before holding it up. “The one on the right.”

Yuzuru’s eyes widened. “Oh my God, when you say cute boy I do not even expect _that_ cute!” He grabbed her phone and looked at the line of gorgeous men. “I never see such handsome and beautiful boys before! And I train with Javi! They make Javi ugly!”

Jason snorted. “Oh my God, Yuzuru,” he laughed, leaning into his side. “You’re too much.”

Jun smirked. “That’s BTS and I…” He paused for dramatic effect and looked right at Evgenia. “GET TO MEET THEM IN THREE WEEKS!”

“NO! SHUT UP!” she squealed.

“Oh my God, how?!” Jason asked. “Maia and Alex are crazy for them so I know the most about them of all the groups I have albums of and I’m half in love with all of them!” he gushed. “Gah, I don’t know which one is which, but their message in the music is so positive and makes me smile!”

“Everything make you smile,” Yuzuru teased. “Jun, how you meet them?”

“I’m gonna present an award and they’re performing,” he said smugly. “I’m totally gonna hang around backstage so I can meet them!”

Evgenia sighed dramatically. “I would DIE if I looked Jungkook in the eyes!”

“They would probably like it if they met you, after Kim Yuna, my country likes figure skating more and you’re a legend,” Jun said. “I think one of them even said he did ice skating as a little kid.”

Yuzuru looked at the photo again and sighed. “Oh my God, so many cute boys.” He shook his head. “How I so cute and cannot get sexy man like this in my bed?!” he whined.

“Wow, you have zero shame,” Jason teased. “Be more mindful of the children,” he joked.

“Oh, I would jump on Jungkook and never let go,” Evgenia said with a big laugh. “He’s just so cuuuute.”

“Which one?” Yuzuru asked, and she pointed one out. “Oooh, he is cute. Pretty eyes!”

“I like that one, best,” Jason said, pointing to one of the shorter boys. “I don’t know his name, but he has big hands, I like a guy with big hands.”

“He cute, too,” Yuzuru sighed. “Jun, who your favorite?”

Jun leaned over and pointed at one of the tallest ones. “He’s the oldest, and he’s so handsome. He’s famous for how handsome he is.” He pointed at another one. “I like him, too, because he’s taller than me by a few centimeters. Guys are usually shorter than me since I’m always around skaters. Tall men are hot.”

Yuzuru gave Jason a pointed look. “And he think he does not like boys,” he joked and Jason giggled.

“Eh, don’t worry about it, Jun. You’re a teenager. You’ll figure it out sooner or later. Yuzu and I grew up with all these hot skaters everywhere, it wasn’t hard to figure it out. I mean God, have you _seen_ Javier shirtless?! I’m pretty sure I hit second-puberty the first time we shared a locker room.”

Yuzuru nodded solemnly. “I am Jun’s age when I move here and I compete with at only fifteen. It very, very not fun.”

Jason cringed. “Fifteen? God, Pretty sure I’d have to change somewhere else. The risk of humiliation is too great.”

“Oh yes,” Yuzuru said, blushing. “So, so much embarrass. So so much.” Thinking back on all the times he almost got caught with a very inappropriate erection was not a fond memory. 

“Javi is handsome, but not nearly as handsome as Chen!” she gushed, taking her phone back to show Yuzuru more photos of all her favorite K-Pop guys. 

Yuzuru didn’t even realize their water-break lasted too long until Brian came over and started yelling at them.

~

The thing was, Yuzuru really couldn’t get over how hot those guys were. When he got home, he started looking at them on the internet, and before he knew it he had been looking at BTS stuff for hours and he knew their names and even had a favorite. They were just _so hot_. Yuzuru lay back against his pillows and just imagined hearing one of the ones with deep voices saying his name and he actually shivered. 

He imagined doing _things_ with some of them and had to put his hands over his face even if he was alone. He put his laptop away and tried to focus on other things for the rest of the night. The issue, however, was that right as he got into bed that night, already hoping to dream about BTS some more, he had an idea. 

He could probably get invited to that awards show as Jun’s plus-one if he asked nicely. 

~

Yuzuru sidled up to Jun and smiled his most innocent smile. “Sooo… You ever take date to award show?” he asked.

Jun shrugged. “I take my mom sometimes. Why?”

Yuzuru gave him his big puppy eyes. “I have idea. You take me!”

Jun frowned. “Why?”

Yuzuru smiled sweetly. “Okay, so you know hot boys? I realllllly want meet them,” he said, then put his hands together, looking at him with wide eyes. “Please?! Jun, you do not understand. You are baby, I am adult, I want meet cute boys!”

“Yuzuru!” Jun said in surprise.

Yuzuru decided to just be blunt and honest. Jun was a baby but he wasn’t a ten year old. “I want suck hot boy dick. I super pretty. I totally can do seducing. I just need be there. There are seven. One must fall for seducing.”

Jun flushed and gaped. “You’re asking me to take you to Korea to an award show. So you can seduce a member of BTS?!”

Yuzuru shrugged. “Yes.”

“Oh my God,” Jun said, then beamed. “If you promise to tell me all the details – even the dirty ones – I’ll totally take you. Like, holy crap, you can tell me who is gay and who has a big dick and what sex with an idol is like!”

Yuzuru blinked in surprise. “You want me tell you about sex with idol?”

“YES!” Jun said, looking star struck. “Oh my God, I could tell Evgenia and we can DIE over it!” He frowned. “Just don’t get caught. The scandal would be bad for you and for BTS.”

Momentarily, Yuzuru thought it wasn’t right to talk about sex with a child but after a while he made a decision, because he was seventeen. Yuzuru smirked. “Done.”

They high-fived and started making travel plans.

~

“Let me get this straight. You’re skipping a weekend of training… to try and seduce a musician?” Brian looked so unamused by that.

Yuzuru just smirked. “Brian. I must try. Why not seduce hot K-Pop boy?!”

Brian hesitated. “Maybe because that’s a terrible idea?”

“No, it worth it. Omg.” He sighed dreamily. “Sex with gorgeous idol man!”

Brian grimaced. “Yuzuru, this is highly inappropriate.”

“Brian, me being virgin is inappropriate,” he said flatly. “I _need_ fuck hot famous boy!”

Brian groaned. “Dear God, just go. Just, leave right now.”

“Go suck hot Korean man dick?” he asked, just to watch Brian splutter.

“NO! Just go away from me!”

“Okay, I go away. To Korea. Bye bye,” he said, ignoring Brian shouting his name as he ran from his office, cackling and plotting.

~

“Yuzuru.” Yuzuru turned to face his mom, who was helping him pack, and his heart stopped and his face BURNED when she held up a box of condoms and unopened bottle of lube. “Not that it’s my business if you’re having sex in general, but is there a reason this was already in this suitcase?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “You’re an adult, but you better not be doing what this looks like you’re doing with that little boy,” she said warningly.

Yuzuru spluttered. “EW, NO! Mom, gross! Jun is a baby!”

She looked relieved. “That’s a relief, but in that case what are you expecting to need this for?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. 

He groaned and flopped onto his bed. “This is so embarrassing to talk about with my mom!”

“Hey, I’m just making sure you’re not getting into trouble,” she said, coming to sit on the bed beside him. She stroked his hair as he hid his face in the covers. “Sweetheart, you’re an adult. I have no delusions about you being twenty-four and a double Olympian and not having had sex before. Just reassure me that you’re making good choices.”

Yuzuru whined. “Actually, I’ve never had sex before,” he confessed, voice muffled but understandable. “Jun and Jason and Evgenia got me obsessed with a K-Pop group and I convinced Jun to take me so I can try to seduce one of them.” His mother didn’t speak for a long moment and when he lifted his head to look at her, she gave up and burst out laughing. “MOM!” he complained.

“You’re a twenty-four year old virgin and you are planning to go all the way to South Korea to possibly meet a K-Pop group so you can maybe seduce one of them?” she asked through her laughter. “Oh, Yuzuru. You always have been an all-or-nothing boy.” She swatted him on the butt. “Well, good luck I guess?”

Yuzuru sat up, making a face at her. “You’re wishing me _luck_ in trying to get laid?!” he asked in confusion.

Yumi just snickered. “Oh Yuzuru, every teenage girl dreams of seducing her idol crush. If my son can achieve the impossible, it just means my good looks are really that powerful.” She poked his cheek. “Cause my baby boy looks just like his mommy,” she teased and he whined.

“Mom!”

She grinned and shook her head. “I swear, just when I think you can’t get any weirder, Son, you surprise me.”

Yuzuru rolled his eyes. “Yeah well, it’s your fault. After all, I’m ‘just like my mommy’,” he parroted.

“Oh not this time,” she said as she went to put the condoms and lube back in his suitcase. “I had lost count of how many people I had slept with in University by the time I was your age.”

“NO OH MY GOD MOOOOM!”

~

Jun insisted that if he was going to be seen on a red carpet with Yuzuru, he was not wearing anything he owned. “This crazy, Jun. My suit is fine-“

“Your suit was assembled by a blind man who can’t see the measuring tape,” Jun interrupted as he led the way to a good tailor they knew about. “Seriously, you do know your sleeve shouldn’t hang past your hands and your suit should not have enough room for another man in there, right?”

Yuzuru rolled his eyes. “You get bitchy with clothes,” he said and Jun just ignored him. The truth was, Yuzuru begrudgingly admitted, he convinced his publicist this trip was a good way to get his face in articles it otherwise wouldn’t be in to try and drum up more fans who maybe hadn’t seen skating before, so it was probably best he let Jun pick his suit out.

When they got to the tailors, the tailor hemmed and hawed while looking at Yuzuru. “Honestly, it would be better to just get a new one made.”

Jun nodded. “I don’t have time,” he said simply. “We need it for tomorrow night. We can rush alterations but you can’t rush a whole tux.

He sighed. “Well, it’s doable but with your friend’s body, it still won’t be perfect.”

Jun shook his head. “Anything is better than what he brought. Seriously. The sleeves hang to his fingertips.”

The tailor looked appalled. “Say no more.”

Yuzuru was used to having his measurements taking, so he stayed still and just let him do it. “What color should we do?” Jun asked, looking at fabric samples. “I’m thinking navy. You look good in blue.”

Yuzuru hummed. “I don’t care really.”

“I would say maybe a maroon but it won’t help your skin any. Navy or black will help lighten you up. Although we’ll do some makeup just in case-“

“Wait, what?!” Yuzuru asked, interrupting Jun. “Makeup?”

“Of course, you can’t be seen on a red carpet with no makeup, don’t be crazy,” Jun said with a scoff. “You’re pale which helps, but powder a shade lighter will help a little. We don’t want you to look like you’re trying to be lighter, but we want you lighter,” he mused. He came over and held two blues up to Yuzuru. 

“I do not care how white I am,” Yuzuru dismissed. “It stupid. Tan boys are cute, too. Look at Javi, he very much dark.”

“Yeah but you’re going to a music award show, idols will all be whiter than you, you don’t want to stand out.”

“No,” Yuzuru said firmly. “I will wear powder to match my skin and lip gloss, same as I ever do.”

“We’re doing mascara,” Jun told him. “You don’t have very long lashes, we have to do what we can.”

Yuzuru whined. “But I hate mascara.”

“Do you want to suck an idol’s dick or not?” he asked him, and Yuzuru startled, glaring at him in horror as the tailor paused while measuring his shoulders. Jun rolled his eyes. “Oh please, he won’t care. We’re paying him a lot of money, he knows better than to lose my business,” he said, giving the tailor a pointed look.

The tailor just smiled. “I didn’t hear a word.” He put away his tape and made his final note. “Well, I think what is best is that I find something to fit his shoulders and just take it in. You can only go a few inches, so I’ll get the smallest size I have that will fit his shoulders. The sleeves will be a bit loose, and the jacket won’t be fitted, but it will work. And as for the shirt, I can take it in however much I must, so at least he will look good when the jacket is off. As for the pants, I’ll find the slimmest fit we have without worrying he bursts the seams with such wide hips.” Yuzuru gave him a glare and he raised an eyebrow. “I’ve had lingerie models with smaller rears than yours, Mr. Hanyu. Don’t give me that look.”

Jun just giggled. “Thanks. Don’t worry, I have faith in your work. You’ve never failed me before.”

“Let’s hope I don’t now,” he said dryly. 

Yuzuru sighed. “I swear, whatever hot guy I manage to get better be really good at sex.”

~

Yuzuru had to admit, when he checked his face one more time in the car mirror before they were to get out at the award show, the mascara really did make his eyes pop. He always heard he had beautiful, sparkly eyes, and this brought attention to them.

Jun, however, looked like an idol. Yuzuru had never seen him wearing full makeup – made to look natural, like men in movies – and wearing such a fashionable outfit. He looked older and Yuzuru kind of worried maybe he should be looking out for perverts trying to mess with an underage kid than looking for some dick.

Then he realized that was crazy, Jun could tell old creeps off on his own, Yuzuru really wanted to have sex with someone from BTS. 

“Who are you going to go for?” Jun asked suddenly, whispering so the driver wouldn’t hear them. 

Yuzuru shrugged. “I couldn’t decide. I guess whichever tall one will have me.”

Jun hummed. “Your best bet is really one of the shorter ones. Also they’re both still taller than you, you’re a figure skater,” he added.

Yuzuru glared. “Says the figure skater that is 178centimters.”

“I’m just saying,” Jun said. “Jimin flirts with guys all the time, and Suga wrote lyrics that sound pretty bisexual. What are the chances more than two of the seven might like boys? Assuming they both really like boys.”

Yuzuru smirked. “You see my ass and waist? Straight guys want me all the time. They just never go for it.” He winked. “No way all these guys don’t give in.”

Jun nodded. “And hey, if nobody in BTS wants you, go for some other idols there. Evgenia wills still freak out when I tell her the details.”

Yuzuru hadn’t even thought of that. “Maybe. But I better not fail.”

~

Awards shows were always boring, but it was even worse when he didn’t understand much of what was being said. Yuzuru was kind of glad that he was allowed to stay backstage instead of sit out in the audience. He did get to sit where he could see out onto the stage and watching some of the musicians perform was really fun. Jun’s time on the stage was cool, because his friend was cheered at by tons of other famous people.

The real fun, though, was when BTS appeared in the hallway, waiting for their turn to go perform. Yuzuru made sure to ‘casually’ lean against the wall beside him and cleared his throat, turning to look out with the best tilt to show off his pretty cheekbones.

He heard a lull in their conversation and a few whispers, and in amongst them he heard exactly what he hoped to hear: his name. He smirked but hoped it just looked like he was smirking at the person on stage. 

His ‘cool’ posture was interrupted when Jun came jogging back up to him. “Yuzu, what did you think of me on the stage?” he asked, and then glanced over when he heard voices only to go wide-eyed. “Oh my God,” he whispered far too loudly to be a whisper. “Yuzu, it’s BTS!”

One of them saw them staring and the whispers started again until they all came closer. Yuzuru didn’t understand what he said, but his name came out of V’s mouth as he spoke to Jun. Yuzuru looked at Jun expectantly and Jun swapped to English (Yuzuru had read that some of BTS didn’t speak much Japanese, so he guessed it was for their benefit). “He said they all saw us skating at the Olympics last year and think we’re both really good,” he gushed, his cheeks flushed under the foundation and powder so red you could still see it. 

“Yeah, we all really enjoyed watching it. Congratulation on winning.” Yuzuru nearly fainted at how deep RM’s voice was in person as he looked _right at him_.

“Thank you. I am big fan,” he gushed, giggling ‘bashfully’. “I such honored amazing musicians like my skating.”

“You like BTS?” Jungkook asked, looking excited. 

“Yes, everybody at our training place do,” Yuzuru said, tilting his head as he smiled. “Everybody talk about favorite man and best song. Jun very much hope you be here tonight and he meet you,” he said, and Jun hit him with wide eyes and a neck redder than his tie.

Jimin cooed and smiled. “Awwww,” he said and then said something in Korean to Jun, who smiled shyly. 

RM smiled fondly. “He told him he’s always happy to meet fans, no matter how famous they are.”

“Who is your favorite member?” Jin asked in careful English, looking smug already.

“You’re Jun’s favorite,” Yuzuru said and Jun whined and covered his face, ducking into Yuzuru’s shoulder even if he was far too tall.

“Yuzuruuuuu!”

They all laughed and said things to each other and Jin just smirked and nodded like it was the obvious choice. “What about you?” RM asked him, and when he grinned, Yuzuru decided he had picked his target for his plan.

Yuzuru hummed and tilted his head cutely, then bit his lip while ‘thinking’ before answering. “Maybe I tell when you finish perform,” he purred, smiling his most sultry smile up at RM. Just then, the call came for them to take the stage, and Yuzuru gave a sweet little smile. “Good luck!”

RM gave him an awkward smile and then led the others over to the opening that led to the stage. After they left, Yuzuru looked at Jun, who just shook his head. “That one. I pick him.”

“Good luck,” Jun said solemnly, and then burst out laughing.

~

Coming off stage after a good performance was always a nice feeling. When they spotted the figure skaters they had been talking to still standing down the hall laughing together, Jungkook nudged Jimin. “Oh look, they’re still here! Let’s go talk to them! Hyung, come on, your Japanese is better than any of us! Translate!

Namjoon shrugged. “Sure. They’re really cool.”

“They’re cool, but I mean, we are famous, too,” Yoongi pointed out. 

“So? Ice skating is very hard and they’re _figure skaters_ ,” Taehyung said excitedly.

“Figure skating is amazing, it’s so beautiful and graceful,” Jimin said, doing a little pirouette. “Their spins and the choreography, it’s so amazing!”

When they got over to where they were, Cha Jun Hwan nudged his friend and Yuzuru turned to look at them and immediately did something with his face where he smirked and looked innocent all the same. “Hey, did you guys watch us?” Namjoon asked, and Jun Hwan nodded, smiling brightly.

“Yes! You guys are so cool!” he gushed, bouncing on his toes some. “Evgenia is going to be sooo jealous!”

“Figure skating is so cool, it’s awesome you guys like us,” Jimin said with a big smile. “You guys are like dancers but on knife blades! It’s crazy!”

“Yeah, we take dance classes all the time. Yuzuru is really good at dance,” he said, then swapped to Japanese. “They said figure skating is really cool and Jimin said we’re like dancers with knife blades,” he said, and Yuzuru scrunched his nose and giggled.

“I love dancing, so skating is perfect for me,” Yuzuru said. “I couldn’t dance like you guys, but we take dance classes in all sorts of forms.” 

“How do skaters spin so fast in the air? We do with spins sometimes and it really takes lots of work,” Hoseok asked in slow but accurate Japanese. 

Yuzuru smirked and looked at Namjoon. “Strong legs and ass muscles. It’s why skaters have big asses and thick thighs. A lot of people think it’s the momentum you’re using, and that helps it go higher, but we can do the jump and spins just like now,” he gestured to his body. “On the ground, wearing shoes.” He shrugged his jacket off – weirdly slowly, sliding it down his arms with his back arched and his eyes shut – and handed it to Jun Hwan. “I’ll show you.”

Jun snickered. “Okay,” he said, and Yuzuru backed up. He turned around and bent down some, wiggling back and forth as he stretched. It was kind of hard to miss how he really did have a round, perky ass and long legs with thick thighs. 

Yuzuru stood up and turned back, raised his arms like he was about to do a pirouette, and instead, launched himself into the air, spinning so fast his hair flew out, and in the blink of an eye, he landed gracefully, looking mostly unbothered. He raised a hand and pushed his hair back, arching his neck some as he did. “You like it?” he asked, looking at Namjoon with his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

Everybody let out exclamations of amazement, “Wow, that’s insane,” Hoseok said, and the others all clapped and gushed about his skill, too. 

“How do you go so high without any run up?” Jimin asked. “I can do some aerials and stuff and even I can’t do it from a standstill.”

Yuzuru grinned and touched his waist. “I’m so thin! I weigh so little and have strong legs. I mean look at my waist,” he said, grabbing Namjoon’s hands. “I bet you can wrap your hands all the way around, they’re so big,” he said, tugging until Namjoon was, indeed, holding his waist. 

“Well, not all the way around, but it’s close. Also wow, those abs feel crazy hard,” he said, then politely took his hands away. “Well we need to get going. It was amazing to meet you guys!”

Yuzuru made a weird face but then smiled. “Thank you, it’s amazing to meet you guys, too.” He bowed his head and said goodbye, then took his jacket back from Jun Hwan. When he turned to walk away he swung his jacket up onto his shoulder and then walked away, hips swaying quite a bit more than usual for a man. 

Jun thanked them for speaking to them and then went after his friend, laughing as soon as he caught up with him and they disappeared around a corner. 

“So, is it just me, or was that guy acting really weird?” Jungkook asked. 

“Oh my God, I thought I was imagining it,” Jin said, and Hoseok nodded. 

“Yeah he kept making faces that were weird, I kind of worried he was having a seizure.”

“The making me touch him thing was definitely weird,” Namjoon agreed. 

Taehyung turned to them. “I know! I bet they were doing a mission! Like they’re fans, maybe Jun Hwan dared Yuzuru to do a mission to get one of us to touch his waist.”

“Oh that makes sense,” Namjoon agreed, and the others nodded, looking at each other. 

Until Jimin spoke up. “Oh my God you are all so straight,” he said, and when they looked at him he rolled his eyes. “He was trying to seduce Namjoon,” he said simply.

Namjoon flushed. “What?!”

Jimin smirked. “From one slutty gay boy to another, I could read him like a book. He did everything to show off his body and he was making eyes are Namjoon.” He turned his gaze sultry yet somehow also innocent. “See? This is how you play the good boy who is also looking for dick. Drives men wild when they think you’re innocent and horny.” He bit his lip and smirked like Yuzuru did. “But he messed up by mixing it with the thirsty hoe that wants your dick right now.” He giggled and returned to normal. “He was too nervous since he’s a fan to keep it from getting crossed up. And the hand thing was just seemed like panicked attempts to show off his figure.”

Namjoon open and closed his mouth. “You mean that super hot, super famous figure skating wanted me to like, drag him into a closet???”

Jimin nodded. “Exactly. You don’t show off a fantastic ass like that the way he did unless you want to sit on a dick.”

“Wait, you think he’s hot?” Jin asked, smirking.

Namjoon flushed. “Well I mean, he had a very pretty face, and his waist was super curvy and I like big asses, it’s 2019, limiting your attraction to one gender is kind of stupid when we’re too famous to date.”

Jimin patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry, when you get hit on my another nervous figure skater, you’ll know you can land him.”

~

Yuzuru and Jun were at the hotel bar having a late snack and alcohol-free ‘cocktails’ and discussing Yuzuru’s epic failure when Jun’s eyes widened and he ducked his head. “Oh my God, look!” Yuzuru turned around and, sure enough, BTS was being led to a more secluded table in the back. As late as it was, chances are they felt safe not worrying about room service so they could all just eat together. 

“Oh God, this is even worse, I’m so embarrassed,” Yuzuru groaned, then dropped his forehead to smack the bar. “I struck out with that super hot guy and now they’re here, too. Jun, just kill me now.” 

“Oh my GOD!” Jun whispered, and Yuzuru picked his head up, frowning. Jun made panicked eyes and nodded his head behind Yuzuru. “Two of them are coming over. They’re coming over. Oh my God do you think they saw us?!”

Yuzuru looked around in panic and his eyes widened when RM and Suga walked their way. “Oh my God, please, please don’t be coming here,” he muttered under his breath. Much to his relief, they veered over to go to the bartender and started ordering drinks. “Oh thank God,” he sighed.

His relief was short-lived when RM looked up and happened to look right at him. He squeaked and turned around to face Jun, who was watching him with wide, shocked eyes. “What are you gonna do?!” Jun asked.

“Probably run a-“

Before he could finish, a deep, sexy voice spoke right behind him. “Oh hey, you guys are staying at the same hotel as us.” Yuzuru put on his best ‘press’ smile and turned around slowly on his barstool. 

The face he met was just as handsome without the makeup and his hair done. Yuzuru swallowed hard. “Yes, hi. What a coincidence.” He nodded to the others. “I see you all are here. Must be nice to get a late-night break with your friends.”

RM, to his confusion, actually smirked and leaned against the bar. “Yeah it is, but I actually wanted to apologize for earlier. I was really hyped up on adrenaline still. I didn’t really get much of a chance to talk to you. I mean, I tried skating as a kid and really admire figure skating. You could really say I’m your fan as much as you are mine,” he said, looking Yuzuru in the eyes with an intensity that made Yuzuru flush from head to toe it felt like. It also made his pants a little tight. 

“Really?” he squeaked, then grimaced at that squeak.

“Yeah, really.”

Yuzuru smiled shyly. “Thank you, RM.”

“You can call me Namjoon,” he offered with a charming smile. He lowered his voice. “Actually, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go talk alone somewhere.” He looked right at Yuzuru’s lips as he spoke the next words, eyes sparking with interest. “Maybe in my room?”

Yuzuru’s jaw dropped but he recovered quickly, sitting up straight and tooling his face into that of innocent flirtation. “Oh? You want to?”

“Yeah, I do,” he said, gently reaching out to rest a hand on Yuzuru’s knee. “Maybe we can get to know each other some?”

Yuzuru bit his lip seductively and leaned in some. “I would love to,” he said, then caught the hand on his knee and held it as he slid off the stool, loving how big the man beside him was. He turned back to Jun. “Don’t wait up for me,” he said, giggling at the way Jun gaped at him. “Goodnight, Jun,” he said, tugging Namjoon along behind him as he started walking, looking over his shoulder, pleased to see Namjoon swallow visibly as he let Yuzuru lead him along. 

Yuzuru’s last glance of Jun was him typing like crazy on his phone with his eyes super wide. 

~

Evgenia was taking a water break when she checked her phone and choked hard as soon as she opened the text from Jun. “OH MY GOD!”

“What’s wrong?” Jason asked, panting as he sat beside her.

She looked at him with wide eyes. “YUZURU IS HAVING SEX WITH RM!”

“WHAT?!” he screeched, eyes wide. 

“JUN SAID THEY TALKED TO THEM EARLIER AND HE STRUCK OUT BUT THEY RAN INTO THEM AT THE HOTEL BAR AND NAMJOON CAME AND ASKED HIM UP TO HIS HOTEL ROOM!” she squealed.

“OH MY GOD!” Jason cried, hands going over his mouth.

“Wait, _what_?!” Conrad skated over, skidding to a stop. “RM, like, RM-RM? From BTS?”

“YES!” Evgenia cried, laughing hysterically. “Oh my God he did it!”

“Boys and girls, what the hell is going on?” Brian asked, coming from the hall to the lockers. “I can hear yelling all the way from my office. 

“Yuzuru did it, he’s having sex with a K-Pop idol!” Evgenia said excitedly. 

Brian groaned and slapped a hand over his eyes. “Jesus Christ. I told him not to do that!”

“Who’s doing what?” Tracy asked as she skated over. “What’s all the commotion?”

Brian gave her a tired look. “Yuzuru is not worth all the drama he’s risking right now. We should give him back,” he said miserably. 

Jason snickered. “He’s currently having sex with the leader of BTS,” he said, and Tracy’s eyes widened.

“Oh my God, why? How do you know this? What the hell is he thinking?!” she asked in frustration. 

Evgenia giggled. “He went with Jun because he decided he should lose his virginity to a K-Pop idol and he did!”

“This is the best day ever,” Jason said, laughing openly. “This is so funny. Also, go Yuzu! I wish I was hot enough to sleep with a member of _BTS_!”

Brian just turned and left. “I used to have such thick, voluminous hair, I really did,” he muttered as he walked away. Tracy just shook her head and sighed.

“You kids,” she said, then skated back out onto the ice. “Come on, I’m not done with you yet.”

“I don’t even care,” Evgenia said, hopping up. “I have all the energy I need after that news. Yuzuru promised to give Jun the dirty details and he’s gonna tell me, so I’m going to learn how big is the penis of RM from BTS!” She skated away in a flurry of fangirl flailing and Jason just giggled and rolled his eyes. 

“Only Yuzuru Hanyu.” 

~

**Bonus Scene**

“Mom, I’m home!” Yumi looked up as she heard Yuzuru getting home. She waited until he came around the corner, and before she could even ask, she saw the scarf he was wearing – in the summer – and burst out laughing. “MOM!” he whined, blushing as he walked over and face-planted on the couch. 

“Well, Son, what’s with the scarf?” she teased.

He groaned into the couch cushion. “You know why.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “Damn, I knew I was beautiful, but I never knew my face on a young man’s body could land a K-Pop idol.”

“Moooooom,” he whined, rolling over to face her. “You’re the worst,” he pouted.

She just grinned. “Now tell me, which one was he? I looked them up and if I was to guess your type, I’d guess it was either the one with the wide shoulders, or the one with the dimples and long legs.” He blushed suddenly and she gave him an appraising nod. “Wow, good job, Yuzuru, talk about impressive.”

He grumbled and got up. “I can’t believe my mom basically said ‘congrats on the sex’ oh my God, we’ve been in Canada too long, you’re acting like a western mom, you crazy lady, what happened to reserved about sex…” 

She lost hearing of his grumbles as he walked out of the room and she just smirked and pulled up the photo on her tablet of the hot guy with the dimples. “Yeah, I definitely made a gorgeous son if he managed to seduce that one.”


End file.
